The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
