I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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