just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
