I love black thongs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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