We're facebook friends in real life
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
