I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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