His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
