even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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