Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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