i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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