I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
