you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
