His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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