You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
