I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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