I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
