I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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