Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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