For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
