The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
