I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
