you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
