hotel room ftw
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
