Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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