I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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