i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
