I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize