U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
