so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is my life. Enjoy the view
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
