sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
