You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
