Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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