the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
