I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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