New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
