I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
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And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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