Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
