I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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