home. puking in laundry basket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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