how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
