I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
