I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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