is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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