just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
