the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
