This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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