The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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