That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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