i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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