I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
