You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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