Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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