I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
