Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
