u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm like, not good at living.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
